I have had Love Song for a Savior stuck in my head ALL day. I love this song! Just recently, have I really started feeling close to God. I haven't doubted His presence, but I am really feeling it these days. I love it. I haven't cried in quite some time. In fact, I think Iv'e cried like twice in the last couple years. My emotions were tucked away tight but now its so easy to open up to Him. What a relief.
I'm so thankful for what He's doing in my life. I could write a book about all the blessings I've been given lately. Ahhh seriously overflowing. If only I could reach out to my family. I want more than anything for them to have this.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I've always wanted to blog but here's the deal: I'm either to prideful and embarrassed of the things I think about or I don't like the thought of someone camping out in my personal thoughts. So because of these minor set backs, or insecurities rather, I decided on making this anonymous.
Let me continue by telling you a little about myself. I'm a 21 year old girl trying to make my way through this privilege called "life." I find it extremely difficult to explain myself in a nut shell, but I'll give it my best shot. I grew up in Washington State, you know the place with rain, evergreens, coffee, Mt. Rainier and a little more rain? I loved it:) Seriously. I'm a middle child of a completely broken but beautiful family. I have an amazing older brother, older sister and two younger sisters. I love them all so incredibly much. My oldest siblings and I come from both of the same parents, while my baby sisters have a different dad. Complicated, but they are no different from my oldest siblings. My first, (yes I had many) step dad raised us all and I thank him for loving and providing for us:) Although he was only 100 percent in the picture until I was 12 or 13, my memories of him are some of my fondest ones. They consist of: camping, holidays, Saturday breakfast with all of us and dancing in the living room.
I try and block out the bad memories, but they can't completely be erased. My beautiful, strong mom has struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I've witnessed her go from a loving, compassionate care taker to a young child who enjoyed coloring pictures for me while in the hospital. The times of depression were never easy considering my mom was my everything as a child. I looked to her for guidance and love. Most times she provided me with these things but when she fell into her dark state, my world was torn and my heart was in pieces. I remember thinking, "How can the world be turning when my mom is so unhappy?"
Thankfully when I was 12 years old I was introduced to church. At first I clung to the normalcy and affection I discovered and received from the people I met there. After a while, although I still loved these people dearly, I discovered a greater love, affection, grace and approval from a God who is perfect, and I clung to Him with hope and a better understanding of life. I learned that there was so much more than just living and dying and I felt secure in that understanding.
Now I still hurt. I struggle with issues in life, like the fact that my beautiful older sister doesn't genuinely feel loved. She struggles with drugs and is broken. I struggle with never having had a relationship with my biological father and I continue to crumble when my mom hurts.
I know I'm not the only person with hurts and struggles. I know that the world isn't perfect, and I'm good at smacking myself back into reality. I'm thankful for this journey!
Let me continue by telling you a little about myself. I'm a 21 year old girl trying to make my way through this privilege called "life." I find it extremely difficult to explain myself in a nut shell, but I'll give it my best shot. I grew up in Washington State, you know the place with rain, evergreens, coffee, Mt. Rainier and a little more rain? I loved it:) Seriously. I'm a middle child of a completely broken but beautiful family. I have an amazing older brother, older sister and two younger sisters. I love them all so incredibly much. My oldest siblings and I come from both of the same parents, while my baby sisters have a different dad. Complicated, but they are no different from my oldest siblings. My first, (yes I had many) step dad raised us all and I thank him for loving and providing for us:) Although he was only 100 percent in the picture until I was 12 or 13, my memories of him are some of my fondest ones. They consist of: camping, holidays, Saturday breakfast with all of us and dancing in the living room.
I try and block out the bad memories, but they can't completely be erased. My beautiful, strong mom has struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I've witnessed her go from a loving, compassionate care taker to a young child who enjoyed coloring pictures for me while in the hospital. The times of depression were never easy considering my mom was my everything as a child. I looked to her for guidance and love. Most times she provided me with these things but when she fell into her dark state, my world was torn and my heart was in pieces. I remember thinking, "How can the world be turning when my mom is so unhappy?"
Thankfully when I was 12 years old I was introduced to church. At first I clung to the normalcy and affection I discovered and received from the people I met there. After a while, although I still loved these people dearly, I discovered a greater love, affection, grace and approval from a God who is perfect, and I clung to Him with hope and a better understanding of life. I learned that there was so much more than just living and dying and I felt secure in that understanding.
Now I still hurt. I struggle with issues in life, like the fact that my beautiful older sister doesn't genuinely feel loved. She struggles with drugs and is broken. I struggle with never having had a relationship with my biological father and I continue to crumble when my mom hurts.
I know I'm not the only person with hurts and struggles. I know that the world isn't perfect, and I'm good at smacking myself back into reality. I'm thankful for this journey!
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